NB: Some words and Sentences Use in this post are Pidgin
Dat
morrin as I wan baff na so I dey put ear for dis babe music, Omawunmi,
dat song wey she sing say, ‘If you ask me, na who I go ask?’ My madam
don comot tey tey and I know say before she go come back e go still tey,
so I say before I baff make I carry my body go upstairs for her and oga
room. E get one fine white trouser wey she buy and I be one go taste am
because I hear say person yansh dey come out well well for white
trouser especially if you no wear pant or you wear g-string. Before I go
continue my tori make I talk about my madam and oga dem.
My Madam: She no too good, she no too bad. Sometimes when I go market
come back late, she no go even send me. She go just talk say, “Ehen, I
know you went to see your boyfriend. Thank God you didn’t stay too long.
Now hurry into the kitchen, my baby would soon be back.”
And sometimes when I wash clothes and the ting still get small stain,
she go talk say, “You are too dirty Mary, sometimes I wonder if your
undies are even clean”; and the annoying ting be say na infront of oga
she go shout the whole ting so tey my oga come dey look me one kain.
My Oga: He no too good, he no too bad. Na to dey blow grammer up and
down like say im be professor, but I hear say im no even finish
unifersity say as im papa die, d guy jus use im papa money push im
business so tey the business come grow yakata, now my oga na big man.
The man no dey eye me o, na jus jeje all of us be for house.
Myself: Eferibodi know say I be cool babe. I no dey like wahala, na only
to dey wish say one day I go be like my madam. I go get housemaid full
ground. One go dey wash my clothes, another one go dey iron my clothes,
another one go dey cook my food and the last one go dey go market, abi
wetin man pickin want again for this world?
So make I continue my tori. As I enter dem madam room, I jus go straight
to the wardrobe because I no wan waste time. I rush comot my wrapper,
come wear the trouser. Omo men, if you see as the ting fine for my body
ehn, you go wan tief me! Na as I dey comot the trouser na im I hear
person dey come the room side. Omo, see as I dive enter the wardrobe,
even Jackie Chan for give me award. The door open and as I hear my oga
voice dey talk with im phone, e be like say dem pour cold water for my
body, wetin I go talk say I dey do for dia room?
“Yes, it’s fine. I was thinking we could go for that art exhibition taking place at the art gallery.”
I no know wetin the pesin reply am but I hear as im laff.
“No, Tunde. I am married and you know I wouldn’t stray. If you bring
that lady over to the exhibition, I may persuade wifey to come with me
and that could be quite unpleasant for the lady and yourself. Quit
trying to make me fall man, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt my wife. Look
I’m going to put you on the speaker because I want to take off my
clothes”
Chei, Oga abeg no comot your cloth, abeg! God where you dey? But e be
like say even God dey use me play as my oga comot im cloth finish come
even mess on top.
“You are crazy men! Why would you fart like that with me on speaker?” The voice from the phone ask my oga.
“Really, that’s a ridiculous question. I can do whatever I want in my house. Moreover I am alone.”
Abeg Oga you no dey alone o, no mess again abeg. Kai! The mess smell no
be small. Shey na de food wey I dey cook dey make oga mess smell like
this?
“Hey man, I’ve got to go. I want to have my bath and freshen up before wifey comes home. We’ll talk later.”
My oga cut the call come enter bathroom. I manage come outside as I say
make I look for my wrapper wey I throw inside wardrobe wen oga dey come,
na im one big abarra land for my back.
“So this is what you and my husband do, when I am not around?!”
All my body shock and piss nearly comot as I bin hear madam voice for my
back. Una don forget say I no wear pant and my yansh jus chook outside
as I bin wan bend down carry my wrapper. As I turn face madam, I jus
weak because I know no how I wan take talk am. Make una helep me!
________
What to do, what to do?
This is a short story by Enoquine
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