CONFESSION: The "SEX" lessons I Never HAD

When I talked about the ladies yesterday, I knew boys had a worse
narrative. Nobody taught us anything about sexuality.
In secondary school, I was in fear of speaking up about the sexual
feelings I had. One boy was even expelled from school for writing a
love letter to a lady, so you dare not bring up the topic of sex or
your feelings. Na straight ticket for confession be dat!

So I buried my head in books and read everything and anything that
dealt on male sexuality, female body reactions and everything in
Fear held me back from doing anything. Before I turned 18, I already
gave myself a treasured sex education nobody was willing to give me.
Fear, of going to hell and sinning made me shut up. I would've talked
about the many abuses some of my friends had to endure, but that's
story for another day.

But then I turned 18. And the tables turned.

Having known and read so much, I subscribed to a few newsletters in my
quest to know more. I promised myself that I will have sex once I
turned 18. But that never happened. Fear of the unknown, of
impregnating a lady, of sinning, of so many things I know nothing
about beclouded my mind and quenched my libido. I knew alot, yet I was
afraid. But I didn't have to wait for so long anyway.
My knowledge of human sexuality helped me greatly in my friendship
with ladies. Some were surprised at how I knew so much and did so
little. That childhood fear instilled lots of nonsense into me. So it
was a personal fight to liberate my mind and decide what I wanted. Not
because I was afraid, but because I have come to accept it as the
right thing.

I was pained.

I was pained, not because I couldn't do what I wanted then, but
because the society made me to believe I would be committing a sin if
I dared to have any conversation on sex with my parents or elders.
Society will say you are learning bad things, you want to become a bad
child. Why are you admiring the hips of a lady, it's a big sin. Why do
you even see at all?
I was lucky to have two elder sisters who never shied away from
helping me with the needed knowledge. In fact, the younger of my two
elder sisters always made sure I shared with her, stories about my
sexuality and life. In her, I found someone who I could open up to and
she was always ready to help out with a few tips here and there.

How many people have such luxury of having someone to guide them?

Boys should not be left at the mercy of pornography and housemaids to
learn what sex or respect for oneself means. We too, need to be
tutored and directed aright.
When I hear stories of rape, I cringe. Because if the men who commit
these acts had a proper sex education, they will understand you don't
need to force a lady to open up herself to you. Your dignity and
respect as a person comes first.
Boys need sex education very early in life. And ladies too. Stop
telling your daughters that once a man touches them, they will get
pregnant. When they meet a cunny man who will show them other
alternatives, you will be surprised how you have turned someone into a
sex machine. Give them the proper education, let them know everything
there is to be learnt about sex.

In the end, let them make the decision whether to have sex or not. It
is better for one to understand with full advertedness, the
consequences of an act. So that whatever happens, they will be ready
to confront the results of their action.
I have never shied away from discussing my sexuality if I feel I need
to know something. I died in silence as a kid, now I am an adult, I
won't repeat same.
The society won't live your life for you.


Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will
pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the

Bigi Benson,
Contact: +233579090453

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